What to Wear, What to Wear?

MH3 —  March 28, 2017

I have this recurring dream about CSFX17 that I haven’t prepared at all. Suddenly, I am being asked to go on stage and introduce the next speaker, whom I know nothing about. The dream gets worse when I forget the script to my own keynote, can’t remember the last name of the CEO of our conference partner, and then proceed to ask for a program guide so I can look up a session title.

Bet you’re even more keen to join us this Friday in Ottawa!

One saving grace is that I seem to always have my pants on during these nightmares. That’s a good thing because truth be told, I am having a wee bit of panic of what to wear this weekend to the JUNOS. Yesterday I read a sartorial profile on Kardinal Offishall’s style in Toronto Life and liked his idea of dressing simple, but adding one bold piece, like a chunky watch or bold hat, to create a buzz. Sounds good… except if I show up in a wide brim fedora, people may wonder what the ransom price is to have me returned by my kidnappers or not!

Still, I am spending Canadian Sponsorship Forum weekend at the 2017 JUNOS with 250 of my closest, bestest, newest sponsorship industry friends and I am feeling a bit unprepared. What does one wear to the JUNOS weekend? What are you going to wear? Think of the circumstances!

The 2016 JUNO Awards. Scotiabank Saddledome, Calgary, AB. April 3, 2016. Photo: CARAS/iPhoto

First, there is the flight there. The odds are high you are going to be next to an artist, or producer, or, at worst, a publicist. No insults to publicists, but when they meet me and realize I am not a somebody, their facial disappointment is incredibly hard on my ego. But back to you! This is an important moment. You want to look cool for your starry seatmate, but not too cool. You want them to wonder if you’re a hotshot from a label, or the next big festival promoter, or even cash-laden sponsor. You don’t want to have to start the conversation, so you need something that will get them to open up.

Now let’s skip a few days, and think about the flight home. Here is your last chance for a name-dropping story you can regal dinner party friends with for years. You have purposely taken an afternoon flight, so you can ride with some hungover talent who might just fall asleep on your shoulder. Can you snatch a drooly selfie without waking them up? If you do, be sure to have worn an outfit that says it may have spent the night on your hotel room floor, or somebody else’s. But so what? It still rocks. So, you must wear something that is essentially the perfect intersection of the walk of shame and the catwalk…

If you found that perfect go home garb, that may be what you have worn to the JUNOS after party (Don’t have an invite to one yet… message me about mine). Of course, the real issue is what happens if your drooler was at the same party as you. Don’t worry, if they remember that will be a miracle. Plus, if they DO remember, then they noticed you. Victory!

Let’s be clear, you can’t wear the same outfit to the after party that you wore to the awards broadcast. Read the fine print on your ticket –  the JUNOS want you to look good for television. Plus, I know you have put a lot of thought into getting Shawn Mendes attention or Sarah McLachlan, depending on whether you are a cougar, or twenty years past your prime like me, or thirty. Regardless of your interests or your age, get fancy people. It’s show time!

The 2016 JUNO Awards. Scotiabank Saddledome, Calgary, AB. April 3, 2016. Photo: CARAS/iPhoto

The 2016 JUNO Awards. Scotiabank Saddledome, Calgary, AB. April 3, 2016. Photo: CARAS/iPhoto

If the dizzying pace of outfit changes doesn’t make you feel like stage dancer in a tacky cruise ship show, then wait. Just hours before the broadcast you were seated at the JUNO Songwriters’ Circle, a fundraiser for MusiCounts. Odds are good that you have missed brunch and your last full meal was somewhere in the ByWard Market. By meal I mean ice, stir stick, mix or whatever. So, you need to be comfortable. You need ventilation, but you also need to look cool-casual. This event is laid back, so your outfit better be. Keep in mind that there could be a Justin Trudeau sighting as well. What if he agrees to a picture? Crap! What a nightmare and it isn’t even Saturday yet.

Saturday, I can’t help you. Are you going to the JUNOS banquet? Are you attending my conference? Are you joining to watch me do karaoke at the Sens House? Do you really think I am going to sing? Do you have a VIP suite to hang out in? What about JUNOfest? Did you find some cool bands on Friday you want to see again? The forecast says it’s going to be around freezing, so your outfit needs to be chill.

I would love to provide more advice, but I need to get home and layout my garb. I also must figure out workout clothes, clothes for my Thursday stage rehearsals (yes I think about these things), what socks to bring, should I bother with a coat and, finally, I have to do a contact lens count. A contact lens count you ask? Yes, I need 1.5 pairs per day as they get all foggy on me when I wear them too long and my only pair of glasses are far from JUNOS cool. Besides, I need to see what YOU are going to be wearing!

 

One response to What to Wear, What to Wear?

  1. So damn jealous that I’m not going to be there! I’ll wear my Juno outfit at home to watch the show….or maybe just my sweats…and look for Mark Harrison hangin with Drake!!