Turns out I was wrong. I gave everybody a rousing speech about having an amazing decade, and it’s not even the start of the new decade. Seems the decade starts with “1”. Like “2011”. Hmmm… that’s pretty embarrassing.
The only good news is I wasn’t alone. Many pundits, bloggers, journalists, commentators and writers were heralding the start of a new decade. Perhaps its because too many surveys are written so you pick your decade from 0 to 9. As in… were you born in the 70s… which is 1970-79. (I wasn’t). Isn’t that a decade? Isn’t 2010 the start of 2010-2019? I think so.
Wasn’t 1999 the last year of the 20th Century? Okay, now we have another time measurement issue. Perhaps I should say the last year of the 1900s. That seems more logical.
Then again I do get the point. 2010 is “10.” And 10 is the end of a ten-year span. But I’m sticking to my guns. Time is different. The third digit in our yearly designation rolled over from 0 to 1, like the odometer on my car. We are in a new era.
To prove it I sent out a survey to a few acquaintances and some other folks to find out if they agreed. More importantly, if they were aligned, I asked them to tell me something they personally would do differently in the next decade.
Every one of them answered it’s the start of a new decade. More importantly, they also shared with me their resolutions to cover up for their multitude of sins.
Look at all the great things we have to look forward to!!!!
Unnamed golfing icon with animalistic name and habits: Resolves to change his name to Cheetah, to get a sponsorship deal from Frank D’Angelo and employ Ben Johnson as his stunt double!
Unnamed assistant coach for a green CFL team: resolves to learn to count to twelve.
Unnamed former head coach for a blue CFL team: resolves to learn to count to twelve.
Unnamed soon to be former mayor of Toronto: resolves in his next job that when he allows his employees to strike to once again ensure they recoup all their lost wages the first weekend back on the job.
Unnamed city in Manitoba that is selling sponsorship to their manhole covers: resolves to raise enough money to pay severance in order fire the person who came up with this zany idea.
Unnamed media industry: resolves not to irresponsibly spread word of pending economic doom in our country, the one with the stable financial sector, just because the crooks to our south messed up bad.
Unnamed media industry: resolves to not cause panic among parents across the country by telling us all our children are about to die if we don’t get them vaccinated by Christmas.
Unnamed coach of Toronto hockey team: resolves to coach the American team in similar way to Toronto team, thereby guaranteeing Trinidad & Tobago their first ever Winter Olympic ice hockey win.
Unnamed hockey sponsor who tried to impose a new hockey cheer on Canadian fans: resolves not to use of the word “eh” in its next 55 TV ads.
Unnamed female American political candidate cum author: Resolves to return as Governor of Alaska, force the state to secede and become the 14th territory of Canada, and then resign to run for Vice-Prime Minister.
Unnamed trio of car companies from Detroit: resolves to quit trying to fool Canadians that they are “domestic” companies and therefore their employees deserve handouts over employees of foreign companies employed in towns such as Alliston and Cambridge do not!
Unnamed hockey team wearing maple leaf on their chest that has to win gold medal in very big upcoming international tournament or an entire country will sulk for two years at which point we can wash away our misery with the 30th anniversary of a certain hockey event played against a certain evil hockey empire who don’t call themselves the Red Army team anymore, but should, especially when they win this big hockey tournament that is coming up: resolves to win it all in convincing style and shut up a certain bald, beige, big belly blogger once and for all.