I forgot to bring underwear to the gym on Monday.
Thing is, I was up at my usual 5:xx AM that day and there really shouldn’t have been any snags. As usual, I had packed the car the night before with my work wardrobe for the day. I had also selected and laid out my workout clothes before I hit the pillow.
Come rise and shine time, my usual morning routine flowed along nicely. Headed to the porcelain for bladder relief. Popped in my contacts. Strapped on my heart rate monitor. Pulled on my Nike shorts and matching Pro Fitted workout shirt. Since losing 25 pounds, I can finally wear the fitted style with no fear of showing my man boobs—because they are gone.
Took a detour to the throne and “might” have answered a few dozen emails. Of course, that would require me taking my BlackBerry into the washroom. I don’t want to gross you out, but I’ve seen it done.
Woofed down a protein shake, with more than a little remorse at the memories of my old breakfast program. Oatmeal piled with sugar. One, two, sometimes three English muffins with crunchy peanut butter. Two glasses of OJ. A banana to make me feel healthy, followed by a venti, high fat cappuccino.
Popped my B2s and amino acid supplements my trainer has me on. Petted the cats. Tickled the dog. Hopped in the car and zoomed to the fitness club in six minutes or less.
I enjoy the gym these days. It’s all part of my mission to get out of the 200-pound club. I started at 231. Monday, after my workout, the scale read 206. My goal is 195.
Alas, my glory moment was short-lived when I opened my garment bag and got a wee shock. I’m pretty organized in these affairs. Sometimes I pack two shirts or multiple sports coats in case my late-night eye didn’t pick the right combo. But Monday it missed something more important. First, I realized I had no socks. Second, I realized I had no gitch.
To make matters worse, I was due at a client event at 8:00 AM. And it was now 7:18… with the destination a good 35-40 minutes away. Yikes!
First, I had to solve the issue of going ‘commando.’ Thankfully, I keep a backup supply of clean gym clothes in my locker. So I reassigned a pair of running shorts and soon they became two-ply boxer shorts. I hope they weren’t insulted.
Then I remembered I had some dark socks in another garment bag in the car. They were a thick-cut for sports shoes, but who would notice besides my feet?
In a matter of minutes, this former Boy Scout had solved the emergency and was headed off to the event, determined that this remedy could last me a few hours and then I would secure a more permanent and appropriate solution.
But time flies when you’re having fun or wading through my 450 daily emails and half-dozen meetings. Come late afternoon, it was time to escape to the football field for my coaching duties.
So you can imagine the stunned look I saw in the mirror when I dropped my work pants and discovered – jogging shorts?
Somehow, I hadn’t just forgotten to bring proper undergarments for the AM; by the PM, I had also forgotten I was wearing them.
My mom always told me to wear clean underwear in case I was hit by a car. Not really sure what that means, but thankfully I was a safe pedestrian on this day.
So off came the joggers. On came the super clean, ready-to-be-shared-with- your-local-ambulance-attendant Icebreaker boxer shorts.
No longer the Commando-in-Chief, your loyal solider headed off to the gridiron.