My 15-year-old is clueless about Pokémon GO.
He is not alone. He and eight other teens his age have been held isolated in an incubator called the Nahanni River for the past month. They paddled 500 kilometres. Hiked a mountain for five days. Managed their food rations to ensure they didn’t starve, yet they were always starving. Braved the elements and cold. It was single digits some days and pouring rain.
Most amazingly they had no connection to civilization. To wireless. To their devices. To video games. To their Xboxes and iPhones.
My God, they have no clue about Pokémon GO.
He discovered this by accident the other night. When he finally reached the 80-person town of Nahanni Butte, he was able to access WiFi. Oldest son was able to call home and speak to Mom and then Younger Brother. What news could Younger Brother possibly have that compares with a trip to the Northwest Territories?
“Pokémon GO has crashed the Internet in Japan!” he proclaimed. To which my tripper son replied, “Uh, what is Pokémon GO?!”
Wow. Imagine that. I am going to have to explain to my 15-year-old what Pokémon GO is. So let me test out my description on you.
1. It’s not a video game. It’s the world’s largest board game.
2. It’s truly social media, because people are not only making new friends while playing, they are doing it without a headset and even having conversations with human beings!
3. It’s a tourism marketing campaign. Players are visiting parts of their city they have never seen before.
4. It’s the most amazing fitness app ever invented.
5. Local animal shelter pets believe that it was actually invented to get them walked and adopted.
6. Unfortunately, local thieves believe it was created to help them commit more larceny.
7. For all the hyperbole that online ads sell, this is finally an online ad that drives retail foot traffic.
8. It’s too simple to be so addictive. Which is why it’s so addictive. In other words, it has forever validated the Keep It Simple, Stupid axiom.
9. It has made me mad that I didn’t buy stocks in a mobile phone battery booster company three weeks ago.
10. It’s proving that humans can’t walk and talk, or walk and battle at the same time.
11. Momentarily, it had my 85-year-old father convinced that his fishing lure collection was priceless. (Okay I may have made that one up.)
12. It has been the subject of more creative brainstorms in history, where every agency was convinced they would be the first to utilize it in a stunt.